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This is an actual letter
sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental
Quality, State of Michigan.
This guy's response is hilarious, but read the
State's letter before you get to the response
letter.
SUBJECT:
DEQ File No.97-59-0023;
T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
Dear Mr.
DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/ or
contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and
maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A
permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of
the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore,
the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301,
Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection
Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113
of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been
informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain
event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of
this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department
therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to
restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush
forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be
completed no later than January 31, 2003.
Please notify this office when
the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site
inspection may
be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further
unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for
elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full
cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you
have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. Price District
Representative
Land and Water Management Division
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** This is the
actual response sent back: **
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N;
R10W,
Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
Dear Mr. Price,
Your certified letter
dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal
landowner
but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers
are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood
"debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay
for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly
offended that you call their skillful use of nature's building materials
"debris."
I would like to challenge your department to attempt to
emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can
safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam
resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam
determination and/or their dam work ethic. As to your request, I do not
think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to
the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you
require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you
are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of
Information Act, request completed copies of all those other applicable
beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is
a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource
and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994,
being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is... aren't the
beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation, so the
State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern
that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event
causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the
Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring
Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam
names.
If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition
please contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they
obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter... they being unable to
read English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right
to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green
and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and
enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental
Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources
(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers
and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement
action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under
the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to
contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your
attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It
is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely
believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers
alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step!
(The bears are not careful where they dump!)
Being unable to comply with
your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine,
I am sending this response to your dam office.
Thank You,
Ryan
DeVries & The Dam Beavers
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